Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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