So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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