Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he thought i was a dude.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
