Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
