I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
