i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
