Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize