I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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