There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
