Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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