Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
