Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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