Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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