I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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