I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
