Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
