And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
