I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
