Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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