You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
