My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
