Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
