His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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