not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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