if you like me you must not know who I am
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
