Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, beer. Big fan.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize