you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
