Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this boner is exhausting
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
