Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize