Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i dont even know how to be here
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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