WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
