it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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