never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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