margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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