does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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