Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
