I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
