Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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