Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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