my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
