thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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