We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
