Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
