She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
