somebody snuck up and got me drunk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
