My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
