JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
