Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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