i don't like sucking hair
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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