So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
