I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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