Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
