omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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