Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
