I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize