when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
