I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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