garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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