Having a random hookup so left but love u
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
