Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
