i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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