Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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