so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
