Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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