That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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