I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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