He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
