You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
