I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
