We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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