wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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