I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
