If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
