the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
