i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize