I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
