I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
