how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
