I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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