I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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