he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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