Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize