And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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