Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
