He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
