you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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