I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
