That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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