At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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