awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
