I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
