Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
