I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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